^ c a m e l b a c k m o u n t a i n ^
::FYI this post is for me to channel my thoughts and if you would like to read along please do, but keep in mind this is my personal story and journey and endometriosis differs person to person and case to case.
This week has been full of challenges for me. Almost, as long as I can remember I have dealt with endometriosis “endo” as I have nicknamed the bugger. Endo basically is when cells from my lady parts decided they want to invade other parts of my body, take up roots there and cause me a ton of pain. The best part… I have the most severe kind. Fabulous. Besides causing pain, endo is commonly associated with infertility. Not the best attribute to add to my Mormon Misfit list. Back in 2010 I had my first laproscopy to medically diagnose my case and clean me up, but the great thing about endo is it loves to come back. So, Tuesday I had my second one and it was just as bad as I remembered.
I didn’t want to be under anesthesia as long as the first time (12 hours from arriving to leaving the hospital) so this time I awoke to my trach tube being pulled out. Good to know I need to clarify that I don’t want to be awake for that part the next go round.
I only had 2 incisions this time instead of 3. That’s cool I guess… and they used the same incisions sites so same scars.
After being sedated for the drive home I woke up to lots of pain from the air pressure and the next few days were a blur of sleeping and eating. I just remember wanting a lot of carbs. No surprise there. I had help from some awesome people in my life, of course including Cam who was amazing and Duke acting as my personal body guard.
Feeling better this Sunday but many thoughts ran through my head about why this happens to so many woman. I thought about kids, pain, drug withdrawal, God’s plans, family, education, exercise, the human body, trust, and love.
I am feeling very grateful for many things in my life. My caring husband. Doctors and modern medicine. My body.
At first I wasn’t too fond of my body. Not talking about body image here but the health of my body. I wished that I was always healthy, full of energy, ready to endure anything. But I took some time to ponder the WHY. People say we experience sickness to be grateful for health. Well, I am calling bull on the whole thing. You think God gives little kids cancer because they weren’t grateful enough to be born healthy? That’s what I thought. But I do think that we experience sickness and pain to teach us and others. I learned to let others serve me. I am still a bit of a stickler on this and can tell when people want to help and when they want to ACT like they help but are kinda just being nosey. But I was grateful for my true friends and family that took time to serve and help me. I learned to take a break and not be busy. As a normal 23 year old my life is planned by the minute and I thrive running from errand to errand and job to job. I never have that time to just sit and have nothing to do. Well, this week I did. And it was nice. I learned to appreciate my body. I love being able to go for a jog whenever I wish or grab an hour of yoga. It is weird how we can miss something so much once we can’t have it. Like this year for Lent I am giving up sweets and now that’s all I can think about! One thing I sure won’t miss giving up is endo and I have made it my personal goal to hike that gorgeous mountain pictured above by the end of this month in celebration of my ‘healthy’ body. Wish me luck.
::I would love to hear your own stories, advice, fears, lessons learned from endo.