I’m Breaking Up With Myself

Recently I have just been in this funk. I really don’t know what it is or couldn’t put my finger on what seemed wrong in my life.  Actually, I have so much to be thankful for and things are going well in most every department of life.
BOY WORLD: I mean seriously did you not read my previous post… never better :)
SCHOOl:  3 days left of finals and then I am done with Fall 2010
SPIRITUAL:  Had the best Sunday in a long time & went to see The Forgotten Carols, which made me cry
FAMILY:  I go home to South Carolina on Friday!!!!
FRIENDS:  Please see the above :D I have the best friends in the world!
WORK:  Just landed a sweet new job working with women who were involved in domestic violence, basically love it

See, nothings wrong.  What is there possibly for me to be so weird about lately.  Well I think I figured it out.  That doesn’t mean that I solved it, but I do think I know what it is.

I guess it might have to do with boy department but not with Cameron.  It’s more about getting married in general.  Please don’t think that I don’t want to! OH MY GOSH! I cannot wait to spend my life with my best friend but I feel like I still have to finish my chores first or something.

Chore 1. Africa.  Okay so basically I have been dying to go to Africa for as long as I can remember and now I don’t know when to go… so sad.  I wanted to do research on tribal dancing for my senior project for dance major at BYU.  Cam & I talked about it and he said that I should go.  Make a plan, work for the money, find a program and go.  I have a few weeks after winter semester that I really could take off and go….

Chore 2. Mission.  So I was never the girl that planned on going on a mission my entire life or anything like that, but in the past year I thought about it… A LOT.  I prayed and fasted and never really got the answer that I should go or not but then Cam came into my life and I figured that was my answer from God that I probably should get married instead.  If there is someone that great in front of you, you don’t just pass him up…

Chore 3. Dance.  You saw that coming.  I want to be on Broadway, dance in New York City, be in a professional company, dance on a cruise ship, be Tinker Bell at Disney World! I just am in love with dancing.  Everything about it makes me smile, gives me goosebumps, makes my heart hurt.  I love to see performances and then wish I was on that stage, I love to perform and cry when I am done, I love to choreograph and then dream about what could make it better, I love to teach and pray that my students take it in.
i. love. dance.

-This video was made Ryan Woodward and Kori Wakamatsu at BYU-

Cam already told me he won’t ever hold me back in my dreams but realistically I won’t be able to do all these wonderful chores.  He said he will support me if I want to go to Africa, we will serve a mission when we’re older, and he will build me the greatest dance studio ever so I can teach my heart out.  I have realized that I need to break up with myself. Not forget who I am but I have new hopes and dreams and although I can keep mine and they will change and I might even fulfill some of them, I can’t let them hold me back from my real purpose :)

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One thought on “I’m Breaking Up With Myself

  1. I guess my first post did not show up, technology!
    Isn't that what life is all about, choices! How blessed you are to have so many choices that are amazing. So many people in the world do not have talents and abilities to have multiple choices that can bring fulfillment. You are at the crossroads of two wonderful roads to choose. One will lead to fun, excitement, personal fulfillment and satisfaction. The other will lead to eternal happiness and continued choices without limitations. There is great feelings of accomplishment and satisfaction when you achieve your goals, but deep joy and peace comes from watching your children accomplish their dreams and ambitions. Just like Heavenly Father said, This is my work and my glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of my children(man). We are so blessed to have such a talented future daughter in law. You have many missions to accomplish here in this life. One of the greatest attributes you can develop is the patience to fulfill each in the season the Lord has appointed which you will know as you remain close to the spirit. Merry Christmas
    Brad(Cam's Dad)

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